We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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