I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
