I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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