That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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