Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I faked an abortion last night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
