i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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