i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
