She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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