Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to calm my uterus...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
