my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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