and you said cock pushups were impossible
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
