when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
