just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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