so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
