I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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