Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
