God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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