THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
