I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
