you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
