I cockslap morals
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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