Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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