you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
