I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
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i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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