there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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