I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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