u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
