i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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