My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
love makes seman taste better
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
