I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
