That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
