Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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