I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
