So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drake has all the answers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
