FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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