i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
