i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Four minutes until I can fart!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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