im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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