Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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