Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize