Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have so much sex to catch up on
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
