you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
