I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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