Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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