When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
