Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
