I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
