so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
