Already got asked if we're dating
her vagine was all disorganized.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
