Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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