I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize