Apparently you make a good broom.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
