8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
