I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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