Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
