holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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