Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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