I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
