So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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