Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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