WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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