so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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