my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
