I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
