My hand turned me down
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
