ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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