one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
