so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
