omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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