my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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