so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
