Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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