you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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