Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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