Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
