Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
