we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
