This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
