He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Randomize
