I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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