I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
