i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
