i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
