I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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